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She believed she could, so she did. -R.S. Grey

ME, MYSELF AND I: FINDING PEACE IN BEING ALONE

ME, MYSELF AND I: FINDING PEACE IN BEING ALONE

Just to let you all know this was my first blog post I wrote back in January 2016. I am sharing this with you as I start my new beginning and to bring my journey full circle. Hope you all enjoy and anticipate what the future has in store. 

Finding “the one” and falling in love is one of the ultimate goals in life for most women, or at least that is what society tells us. We are constantly bombarded with love playbooks on how to snag the perfect man, commercials for dating sites guaranteed to find you a mate, and the unrelenting questions from relatives about who we are dating, why we aren’t dating, and when are we going to settle down. (My aunt told me she had some eligible suitors for me if I don’t have a boyfriend by the spring. 
 

                                                      I LOOKED AT HER LIKE

                                                      I LOOKED AT HER LIKE

 

  My friends used to love teasing me about being a serial monogamist, someone who is constantly in a relationship, and when I reflected on my love life, I realized they were right. I’d been in two serious relationships back to back with about a month break in between from when I broke up with my high school sweetheart and started seeing my college boo. Back then, I thought that was enough time to get over my first love and get into a relationship with my friend, who I wanted to be “more than friends” with.  Reflecting on it now, that was one of the most asinine mistakes I could have ever made. Not only did I bring over some of the issues that I had in my previous relationship, I lost an amazing friend and didn’t allot myself time for self-discovery. The person I was at 17 when I got into my first relationship was not the person I was at 22 when I got into the relationship with boyfriend number 2. Needless to say, my relationship was doomed from the start and after 2 ½ years, my college connection had run its course. 

Currently being single for the past year and a half has been interesting to say the least. I’m a hopeless romantic, and living in a fast-paced area, such as South Florida, makes dating a constant struggle. You meet a man at a mixer or an event, get their number and think you all have hit it off, and then a few days later buddy is Casper 2.0.

 

                                  SEE YA!

                                  SEE YA!

 

The serial monogamist in me has been screaming, “FIND A BAE, FIND A BAE NOW!”  While the single half has been saying, “What is a bae? How do you take care of it? Do you have to feed it?” I have teetered back and forth between these feelings but it wasn’t until I took a visit to the beach one morning that things became clear.

I’ve always wanted to see the sunrise on the beach while wrapped up in some chocolate man’s strong arms, but needless to say it has never happened. I’m not a morning person at all, but I felt like being on the beach with someone you love while enjoying nature’s beauty was the ultimate scene of romance, next to walking down the aisle and seeing your soon-to-be husband. After months of dating and waiting on guys to oblige to my idea of romanticism, I got fed up. I was tired of waiting for someone to think that I was special enough to cuddle up with at the beach. Why was I waiting on a “prince-charming” to sweep me up off my feet and whisk me away when I could just go to the beach on my own? 

 

So early one Saturday morning, I managed to crawl out of my bed, shower, and make the quick 15 minute trip to Fort Lauderdale beach. I set the tone for the day by listening to Jhene Aiko. (Souled Out is one of the soundtracks to my life), and once I reached the beach I was greeted with a warm breeze and the sweet smell of the ocean. I quickly took off my sandals, dug my toes into the sand and plopped down.  As a gentle wind caressed my cheeks I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  I appreciated the silence and slowly let all my worries melt away. There was a family there taking pictures as the sun slowly started to rise and they looked so happy to be enjoying each other's company. Out in the water there was a man kayaking and a little further down the beach I saw a meditation group repeating affirmations. As I observed everything around me, I felt at ease. Watching all these simple tasks bring these people pure joy caused a sense of serenity to wash over me. I said a prayer, reflected and simply enjoyed the scene unfolding before me.

 

That sunrise was one of the most tranquil experiences that I have had in a while. It allowed me to meditate and enjoy my own company. No there wasn’t anyone there with me whispering in my ear or pulling me in close, but I was ok with that. We all tend to get so caught up with what is happening in others’ love lives on social media that we create this undying need to constantly be in a relationship, just to say that we have “a bae”. Self-love is so important, and it starts with being comfortable with being alone.  I’d be lying if I said that I don’t get lonely or want someone to talk on the phone to at night, but I’d also be foolish not to acknowledge that this period in my life has allowed me to learn new things about myself and become more confident.

I’ve used my time of singleness to become a better me. A me that visits art museums and festivals, takes trips to places I’ve never been before, reads books that expands my mind and sense of self, and listens to whatever music moves me. I’ve become a woman that has started to put her happiness first and live life unapologetically.  I urge all single women out there (men too if you are reading this) to take the time out to meditate, reflect, explore and learn who you truly are. You’ll be so happy with your newfound self that finding a lover will be the least of your worries.

 

MY FAVORITE SHOT FROM THAT DAY!

MY FAVORITE SHOT FROM THAT DAY!

Sound off in the comments and let me know how you've been handling the single life.

WELCOME TO DIFFERENT BY DESIGN

WELCOME TO DIFFERENT BY DESIGN

MOTTO MONDAY

MOTTO MONDAY